This is absolutely beautiful. I have always loved this song, and with these clips from "The Testament of One Fold & One Shepherd", it is just absolutely beautiful. As a parent, I want my hands to do the work of Christ.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Monday, October 27, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
T.V. -- To Watch or Not to Watch? That is the Question!
Today I was forwarded an email to an article about the dangers of television to children. To read this article before reading my counter-argument, click here: The Plug-in Drug by Mike Rogers.
While I believe that most parents would agree that television can be very damaging to children if they watch garbage on it, or if they watch too much, this author advocates completely getting rid of T.V. altogether. "Throw it away!" is his battle cry. I mean no disrespect to those who have this standard in their homes. That is their choice, and I can see many benefits to that lifestyle. However, Rogers goes too far when he suggests that parents who let their children watch any T.V. at all do not love them! That was the last straw for me, and while I thoughtfully finished reading because I believe in finding value in others' opinions even when they do not match my own opinion, I knew that I had to write a counter-argument on my blog.
There is no question that there is a lot of garbage on T.V. There is misinformation, vanity and materialism, immorality, and violence, just to name a few. But I would counter that there are an awful lot of books that are as bad or worse than T.V.! And what about the computer? It can serve bad and good purposes. Same with the newspaper. Not to mention magazines. I often want to put blindfolds on my children as we go through the check-stand at the grocery store! Shall we throw away all forms of media altogether? I think that's a bit ridiculous, not to mention unrealistic. The TV is just a tool, and like any other tool, it can be used for good or for evil. The way we use the tool is the key. We can't live in a bubble, nor do I think it's necessary. I believe that T.V. can be a teaching tool, just like these other forms of media.
I completely disagree with the basic premise that there is nothing good on TV. There are great shows that teach about nature, science, history and the arts. There is educational television that teaches us languages, algebra, home repairs and a host of other useful skills. Not to mention religious programming such as BYU Campus Devotionals & LDS General Conference. The television can bring a host of specialty information into your home that you could never teach on your own. Just like books.
Some examples:
1. My 3-year-old can identify nearly every letter in the alphabet, and knows many of their sounds, despite the fact that I have not sat down with regularly scheduled formal lessons on the alphabet. Do I review letters with him in books? Sure! Do I use flashcards to help him learn words? Of course. But he is so adept at remembering the letters because of excellent reinforcement from PBS shows such as "Super Why" and "Sesame Street".
2. My grade-school kids have learned to work out problems with friends and siblings by watching shows like Arthur & Berenstein Bears. Do I teach them these concepts face-to-face? Of course! Do I help them work through issues as they arise? Sure! But these values are reinforced by good television programming that promotes values that children wonder & worry about as they are growing up.
3. My teenagers love to watch shows about nature, science & history. I honestly think they know more about some of these subjects than I do. And then they reinforce their knowledge by bringing home library books on Super Novas, Volcanoes, Animal Habitats, Queen's of England, etc. It is part of our family's culture to read for knowledge. These subjects are reinforced and enhanced by the beauty of television.
Is all TV good? Of course not! Do we sometimes watch too much? Definitely. Parental monitoring and values-based-teaching requires that certain shows are off-limits in our home. Most of the supposed "comedy" shows that are full of off-color humor and immorality have no place in a home with children. Many of the "mystery" shows are full of extreme cases of violence, giving an excuse to show horrible images that would give any child a nightmare. Even good T.V. can be bad if watched too much. It's like eating. Celery is good for you, but if you only ate celery, you would probably die.
So where do we go from here? How can we find balance in our use of T.V., the internet, books, and other media? I believe that teaching children how to choose carefully & wisely what they watch, hear, read & play is the key. For example, when a "bad" commercial comes on, I will change the channel or turn it off for "3 minutes", then turn it back on when the desired show returns. In other circumstances, when the commercial is not offensive, but simply ridiculous, I comment on the commercial and insert a casual teaching about why what they are promoting is wrong or how it misleads people. In this way, my children have learned to think for themselves as they analyze what they watch or read, and choose how they will use that information in their lives.
I have seen my children follow suit and turn the T.V. off when something offensive comes on. Or my young daughter will say during a soap commercial: "Mom, that lady is immodest!", which can lead to a good discussion of morality. I would submit that seeing others make mistakes on TV gives parents a perfect opportunity to discuss consequences of such behavior without the children having to go through as many of those mistakes themselves. I hear my children constantly commenting with things like, "oh brother!" when there is something ridiculous being promoted on TV. Or they ask me questions. This is the atmosphere in our home when dealing with the media. I believe that my children are learning about how to deal with the real world, without having to be in the middle of it to learn every lesson the hard way, in real life, with their own futures at stake.
Saying that parents who let their children watch TV do not love them is just one step too far in my opinion! Let's draw another analogy. Cars are dangerous, our children can get in accidents, they could even be killed. So do we stop driving cars? Or can we teach safety and caution and pray for the best? I could list a million more examples along these lines, but I won't, because I know you can all think of them too. Life is treacherous, that's the way it was set up.
For my final analogy, imagine this as compared to our life here on earth. God could have kept us all in Heaven if he just wanted us protected, but he sent us here to earth where there are trials, dangers, and even downright evil. But we are here to learn from this situation of opposition between good and evil, and progress and learn so we will be wiser when we return to Him. He gives us tools like sacred Scriptures, wise friends and family, great philosophers & religious leaders, plus the Holy Spirit to guide our way. He has not left us on our own, but neither has he taken us completely out of harm's way, either. There is a purpose to this opposition, and by thinking critically about what we are faced with, choosing wisely, and overcoming trials, we will be better people and more prepared for the rest of life and the eternities. I think that since Our Father in Heaven is the ultimate parent, we should learn from that, and model our own parenting to His example.
We need to teach our children, guide them, and lovingly help them choose for themselves. The problem with sheltering children too much is that they don't learn to deal with the real world. If a child who does not have experience with making choices about TV is at a friend's house and a rated-R movie comes on, my guess is that he'd sit there and stare open-mouthed and not know how to deal with it. My kids, I'd wager, would walk out, ask their friends to turn it off, or call home to leave. That's what they've been taught. We need to live in this world and know how to deal with it, then choose the better way and create success and beauty in all around us.
While I believe that most parents would agree that television can be very damaging to children if they watch garbage on it, or if they watch too much, this author advocates completely getting rid of T.V. altogether. "Throw it away!" is his battle cry. I mean no disrespect to those who have this standard in their homes. That is their choice, and I can see many benefits to that lifestyle. However, Rogers goes too far when he suggests that parents who let their children watch any T.V. at all do not love them! That was the last straw for me, and while I thoughtfully finished reading because I believe in finding value in others' opinions even when they do not match my own opinion, I knew that I had to write a counter-argument on my blog.
There is no question that there is a lot of garbage on T.V. There is misinformation, vanity and materialism, immorality, and violence, just to name a few. But I would counter that there are an awful lot of books that are as bad or worse than T.V.! And what about the computer? It can serve bad and good purposes. Same with the newspaper. Not to mention magazines. I often want to put blindfolds on my children as we go through the check-stand at the grocery store! Shall we throw away all forms of media altogether? I think that's a bit ridiculous, not to mention unrealistic. The TV is just a tool, and like any other tool, it can be used for good or for evil. The way we use the tool is the key. We can't live in a bubble, nor do I think it's necessary. I believe that T.V. can be a teaching tool, just like these other forms of media.
I completely disagree with the basic premise that there is nothing good on TV. There are great shows that teach about nature, science, history and the arts. There is educational television that teaches us languages, algebra, home repairs and a host of other useful skills. Not to mention religious programming such as BYU Campus Devotionals & LDS General Conference. The television can bring a host of specialty information into your home that you could never teach on your own. Just like books.
Some examples:
1. My 3-year-old can identify nearly every letter in the alphabet, and knows many of their sounds, despite the fact that I have not sat down with regularly scheduled formal lessons on the alphabet. Do I review letters with him in books? Sure! Do I use flashcards to help him learn words? Of course. But he is so adept at remembering the letters because of excellent reinforcement from PBS shows such as "Super Why" and "Sesame Street".
2. My grade-school kids have learned to work out problems with friends and siblings by watching shows like Arthur & Berenstein Bears. Do I teach them these concepts face-to-face? Of course! Do I help them work through issues as they arise? Sure! But these values are reinforced by good television programming that promotes values that children wonder & worry about as they are growing up.
3. My teenagers love to watch shows about nature, science & history. I honestly think they know more about some of these subjects than I do. And then they reinforce their knowledge by bringing home library books on Super Novas, Volcanoes, Animal Habitats, Queen's of England, etc. It is part of our family's culture to read for knowledge. These subjects are reinforced and enhanced by the beauty of television.
Is all TV good? Of course not! Do we sometimes watch too much? Definitely. Parental monitoring and values-based-teaching requires that certain shows are off-limits in our home. Most of the supposed "comedy" shows that are full of off-color humor and immorality have no place in a home with children. Many of the "mystery" shows are full of extreme cases of violence, giving an excuse to show horrible images that would give any child a nightmare. Even good T.V. can be bad if watched too much. It's like eating. Celery is good for you, but if you only ate celery, you would probably die.
So where do we go from here? How can we find balance in our use of T.V., the internet, books, and other media? I believe that teaching children how to choose carefully & wisely what they watch, hear, read & play is the key. For example, when a "bad" commercial comes on, I will change the channel or turn it off for "3 minutes", then turn it back on when the desired show returns. In other circumstances, when the commercial is not offensive, but simply ridiculous, I comment on the commercial and insert a casual teaching about why what they are promoting is wrong or how it misleads people. In this way, my children have learned to think for themselves as they analyze what they watch or read, and choose how they will use that information in their lives.
I have seen my children follow suit and turn the T.V. off when something offensive comes on. Or my young daughter will say during a soap commercial: "Mom, that lady is immodest!", which can lead to a good discussion of morality. I would submit that seeing others make mistakes on TV gives parents a perfect opportunity to discuss consequences of such behavior without the children having to go through as many of those mistakes themselves. I hear my children constantly commenting with things like, "oh brother!" when there is something ridiculous being promoted on TV. Or they ask me questions. This is the atmosphere in our home when dealing with the media. I believe that my children are learning about how to deal with the real world, without having to be in the middle of it to learn every lesson the hard way, in real life, with their own futures at stake.
Saying that parents who let their children watch TV do not love them is just one step too far in my opinion! Let's draw another analogy. Cars are dangerous, our children can get in accidents, they could even be killed. So do we stop driving cars? Or can we teach safety and caution and pray for the best? I could list a million more examples along these lines, but I won't, because I know you can all think of them too. Life is treacherous, that's the way it was set up.
For my final analogy, imagine this as compared to our life here on earth. God could have kept us all in Heaven if he just wanted us protected, but he sent us here to earth where there are trials, dangers, and even downright evil. But we are here to learn from this situation of opposition between good and evil, and progress and learn so we will be wiser when we return to Him. He gives us tools like sacred Scriptures, wise friends and family, great philosophers & religious leaders, plus the Holy Spirit to guide our way. He has not left us on our own, but neither has he taken us completely out of harm's way, either. There is a purpose to this opposition, and by thinking critically about what we are faced with, choosing wisely, and overcoming trials, we will be better people and more prepared for the rest of life and the eternities. I think that since Our Father in Heaven is the ultimate parent, we should learn from that, and model our own parenting to His example.
We need to teach our children, guide them, and lovingly help them choose for themselves. The problem with sheltering children too much is that they don't learn to deal with the real world. If a child who does not have experience with making choices about TV is at a friend's house and a rated-R movie comes on, my guess is that he'd sit there and stare open-mouthed and not know how to deal with it. My kids, I'd wager, would walk out, ask their friends to turn it off, or call home to leave. That's what they've been taught. We need to live in this world and know how to deal with it, then choose the better way and create success and beauty in all around us.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
How Mothers Get Sidetracked
Okay, so this morning at 7am I'm enjoying a nice hot bubble bath and reading an interesting book. I know you're wondering -- how does a woman with seven children take a hot bubble bath at 7am? It's not easy, but you have to be creative to find personal time with seven young'uns running around! :) Here's how I do it:
I get up at 6am, send my husband off to work, and have breakfast with my teenagers. After helping with hair, finding misplaced assignments, and giving reminders about their afternoon schedules, etc, they run to the bus stop at 6:45am.
Since my gradeschoolers don't need to catch the bus until 8:15am, I let them sleep until 7:30am before getting them up to start the cycle over again. SO -- If I'm not so dead-tired that I fall immediately back into bed to get an extra 45 minutes of sleep, and IF we haven't made so much noise that my 2-year-old is up, I get an opportunity to take a luscious bubble bath!
SO -- to start over, here I am laying in the bathtub enjoying a great book. This book is so great, in fact, that it gets me excited about new things I can do in my life. You have to understand, I can be a bit of a perfectionist at times, so I'm always looking for ways to make my home, family, and myself better. So as I'm reading along, I get so excited that I decide to get out of the bathtub early and get going on my new ideas!
Wow, this will be SO GREAT! I can visualize it already, a cleaner home, smiling faces, a newly-excited-and-refreshed-me that can conquer anything!
So I get dressed, pick up all the towels neatly, straighten the bathroom, (see, I'm doing better already!) and head to the kitchen with a bath towel on my head. I ring the stairway-mounted bell to get the two graderschoolers up and going, intending to get back to the bedroom in a few minutes to damp-dry and comb my hair.
One thing leads to another, and my new plan begins to get sabotaged. Here's how my morning went:
No wonder mother's get discouraged! When people give lip-service to the fact that "being a mother is the hardest job of all", sometimes I wonder if anyone really understands.
But I know that there are thousands of mothers out there, like me, who work their tails off all day and sometimes feel like they aren't getting anywhere at all! It's like being on a treadmill, but instead of getting in shape, you get fatter and older and crabbier! :)
It's after 10am now. So much for my great ideas. . .I'll have to re-read that chapter to remember what I was going to accomplish today! :) The little ones just finished their snack, (no, I haven't been writing this straight through, it's been 15 min. writing/15 min. with kids & house!) and now they're blowing bubbles on the front porch. I guess I'll go join them.
After all, when I chose to stay home from the workforce 15+ years ago, I did it to spend time with my children, not because I wanted to be a housekeeper! Sure, an orderly home makes a place more conducive to peace and good times together. But sometimes you just have to throw up your hands and say, "forget it! For today I'm just going to be the funnest Mommy around. Heck with the house!"
Funny, as soon as I typed that, I heard a little knock on the front door. It was my 5-year-old daughter holding the bottle of bubbles, with my 2-year-old son close behind.
"Mommy, will you come outside & play with us?"
Amazing.
"Sure I will honey! Just give me 5 minutes. I PROMISE!"
So, off I go to blow bubbles. . .
I get up at 6am, send my husband off to work, and have breakfast with my teenagers. After helping with hair, finding misplaced assignments, and giving reminders about their afternoon schedules, etc, they run to the bus stop at 6:45am.
Since my gradeschoolers don't need to catch the bus until 8:15am, I let them sleep until 7:30am before getting them up to start the cycle over again. SO -- If I'm not so dead-tired that I fall immediately back into bed to get an extra 45 minutes of sleep, and IF we haven't made so much noise that my 2-year-old is up, I get an opportunity to take a luscious bubble bath!
SO -- to start over, here I am laying in the bathtub enjoying a great book. This book is so great, in fact, that it gets me excited about new things I can do in my life. You have to understand, I can be a bit of a perfectionist at times, so I'm always looking for ways to make my home, family, and myself better. So as I'm reading along, I get so excited that I decide to get out of the bathtub early and get going on my new ideas!
Wow, this will be SO GREAT! I can visualize it already, a cleaner home, smiling faces, a newly-excited-and-refreshed-me that can conquer anything!
So I get dressed, pick up all the towels neatly, straighten the bathroom, (see, I'm doing better already!) and head to the kitchen with a bath towel on my head. I ring the stairway-mounted bell to get the two graderschoolers up and going, intending to get back to the bedroom in a few minutes to damp-dry and comb my hair.
One thing leads to another, and my new plan begins to get sabotaged. Here's how my morning went:
- Greet 8yo son good morning, check that he smells good, insist he put on his underwear which he's been refusing to wear lately, then help him find tennis shoes for P.E. today.
- I notice that the teenage girls left the flat-iron on, so I call my 10yo daughter in to flatten her hair before I turn it off.
- Next, I get 5yo daughter and 2yo son into the bathtub, since it's cooled down after my bath to be just right temperature. I wisely move all the shampoo bottles up high to avoid the disaster of several days ago when they dumped half a bottle into the bathtub (I'd had to spray them off with the shower head because there were too many bubbles to rinse off!)
- Next, I double-check my 8yo son's homework to make sure he put his name on it, discover several spelling and punctuation errors, help him sit down & re-write it. . .
- Now 10yo daughter is anxious because her fingers hurt. What's wrong with them? I ask? She smashed them somehow, I start to listen, but I miss exactly how it happened, because about this time I hear my 5yo daughter yelling that her 2yo brother is wasting shampoo in the bathtub
- I run in there wondering how-in-the-world he got a hold of any shampoo, and I see that I left a sample shampoo out. Oh, good, no real damage done!
- I head back to the kitchen where I check on 8yo's homework, (which is looking great by the way!) and I check the clock. He has 10 minutes until the bus comes, (whew!) plenty of time to finish.
- But then 8yo son reminds me that he hasn't eaten any breakfast yet, so I start to make him a fried-egg sandwich. I notice that my 15yo son left out the blender & protein drink mix this morning. This gives me an idea to make protein shakes, since the blender's already out.
- So I start making protein shakes and adding blueberries for a touch of fruit. I serve them out, recheck on the kids in the tub, recheck on my son's homework, (half done!) and head back to the kitchen wondering what I was supposed to be doing in there.
- About this time, my son says, "Hey Mom, are you still going to make me an egg sandwich?" Ah yes, that's what I was doing!
- About now I realize that I still have a towel on my head. Oh well, I'll take it off in 5 minutes when they leave! :)
- So I pop in the toast, fry an egg, add a slice of cheese, turn off the burner and put the lid on so the cheese will melt. Then I head into the bathroom to get the little ones out.
- They're having lots of fun and I notice that I accidentally left my exciting-and-motivating library book on the toilet seat when I got out of the bathtub, so it's covered with splashes. ugh. . .
- Luckily it's a laminated cover and it was laying with the pages face-down, so I wipe it carefully off, fuss at the kids for splashing, and run back to the kitchen to make sure no one is going to miss the bus.
- Everything looks good, son is done with homework, daughter is ready to go. Son asks if he can take a treat for recess. "Teacher says we can!" I grill him for a minute or two about the details trying to decide if the teacher really said they could, and determine that it will be fine.
- We can't find any snacks to grab easily, so I get some blue-corn tortilla chips and put them in a baggie for him. He sticks them in his backpack.
- My 8yo son grabs his sandals and starts to put them on when I remember about the P.E. shoes. I grab them quickly (amazed that I even know where they are!) and suggest he put them on.
- No, he wants them in his backpack and he'll put them on before P.E. So I put the shoes & socks in the backpack (how can he even carry this thing?), carefully making sure not to crush the chips.
- As I'm doing this, I notice 5 rolls of smarties that I know he took from my "treat stash" that I thought was hidden. But I don't want to make a scene about it and start off his day leaving home with a bad feeling, so I ignore it and mentally make a note to talk to him about it tonight.
- I kiss them goodbye. . . (pant, pant) I head back into the bathroom where I help the little ones get out of the tub, wrap towels around them, and set them into the la-z-boys to watch their "morning shows" on PBS (luckily they already had breakfast!). I decide to get them dressed after I have a BREAK!
- So I head for the office, barely glancing at the kitchen. I don't want to look at the mess! I know I'll spend about an hour getting in it shape, and I'm exhausted by now, so I set my timer and begin my normal schedule of 15 minutes on desk items, 15 minutes on active items.
- So I log-up the computer, still excited about my ideas from this morning, and anxious to write in my blog about them (though I'm beginning to forget what they were. . . hmmm).
- As the computer is logging up, I reach to get a pen from the desk so I can go through today's planner. I notice the BIC Wite-Out dispenser I had purchased at a recent shopping trip. Someone has pulled the tape way out rendering it useless! Grr. . . But, I'm used to things like this, so I pull it apart and try to fix it.
- So I spend the entire 15 minutes that I'm supposed to be setting up my day, reading scriptures & checking my email, instead messing with this dumb thing. (by the way, the above picture is after much work...)
- I re-set my alarm to give myself another 15 minutes :)
- So I work and work, and I just had to show you my COMPLETED fix-it project! Whew! You wouldn't believe how hard it is to fix this dumb thing. So I erased a bit on yesterdays' planner just to test it out (see picture below).
- I had fun with it for a few minutes, knowing this may be the last time I use it. If another kid gets a hold of it, I may just throw it out in digust! Obviously the people who design these don't have kids or there'd be some kind of a lock on it.
- p.s. When my husband read this blog, he told me that he'd found this contraption in out in the yard! He was the one who put it in my desk drawer. Sometimes you have to wonder what kids are thinking! :)
- About the time I got all of this accomplished, checked on the little ones, got them dressed, tidied up the kitchen, and wrote what I have so far on today's blog, I realized...HEY! I STILL HAVE A TOWEL ON MY HEAD!!!
No wonder mother's get discouraged! When people give lip-service to the fact that "being a mother is the hardest job of all", sometimes I wonder if anyone really understands.
But I know that there are thousands of mothers out there, like me, who work their tails off all day and sometimes feel like they aren't getting anywhere at all! It's like being on a treadmill, but instead of getting in shape, you get fatter and older and crabbier! :)
It's after 10am now. So much for my great ideas. . .I'll have to re-read that chapter to remember what I was going to accomplish today! :) The little ones just finished their snack, (no, I haven't been writing this straight through, it's been 15 min. writing/15 min. with kids & house!) and now they're blowing bubbles on the front porch. I guess I'll go join them.
After all, when I chose to stay home from the workforce 15+ years ago, I did it to spend time with my children, not because I wanted to be a housekeeper! Sure, an orderly home makes a place more conducive to peace and good times together. But sometimes you just have to throw up your hands and say, "forget it! For today I'm just going to be the funnest Mommy around. Heck with the house!"
Funny, as soon as I typed that, I heard a little knock on the front door. It was my 5-year-old daughter holding the bottle of bubbles, with my 2-year-old son close behind.
"Mommy, will you come outside & play with us?"
Amazing.
"Sure I will honey! Just give me 5 minutes. I PROMISE!"
So, off I go to blow bubbles. . .
Friday, August 17, 2007
Back-to-School Shopping Made Easy!
One of the funnest traditions I've participated in was in my former neighborhood. Every year on the first day of school, the kids and mothers on my block would gather at the bus stop for a "Back-to-School Pancake Breakfast". When we had moved in, we found out that our driveway was the bus stop, and we were politely informed by our neighbors that this was the tradition. Did we mind hosting the breakfast?
The organizers brought pancake mix & griddles, juice, plates & cups. Everyone else brought toppings for pancakes. We set everything up on the back of a pickup-truck, and had a great early-morning party about 30 minutes before the bus was due. Of course I didn't mind at all -- what better way to let the kids celebrate the beginning of a new schoolyear?
Plus, what a great opportunity for the Mom's to "secretly" celebrate the end of the summer! :) Seriously, the one year we were all outside taking pictures & waving goodbye to clean, brightly dressed kids! After the bus pulled away, all the Mom's unanimously (& unplanned) broke out into cheers.
To be fair here, it's not like we were happy to "get rid of" the kids. It's just that. . .well, we were happy to get rid of the kids! Now don't get me wrong, I love my children and I have a great relationship with each of them. I truly enjoy spending time with them! But still, I do like to get back into the routine of the school year after surviving a fun and hectic summer.
So, what's the best way to get your kids ready for back-to-school? Here's a few rules I've come up with over the years:
Rule #1: Don't shop in August!
All the stores have the new clothes out in July, as well as backpacks & school supplies. But no one has figured out that it's there yet, they're all still busy swimming and going on vacation. Not me! I like to hit the stores before the end of July, then I get the back-to-school section virtually to myself!
Rule #2: Don't take all your children on the same day.
Unless you like headaches, fighting, breaking up arguments, and being on your feet for the entire day, take them in groups of twos or threes, divided according to gender & department (or who gets along best with who!). There's nothing more boring to a teenage son than waiting for endless hours while his sisters try on their outfits. Especially when we stop at every other display amidst cries of "CUTE!!", "Wow!", "Do you think I should try this on?" My son cries to no avail . . . "Nooooooooooooo!"
Rule #3: Don't take babies or preschoolers at all!
That's what babysitters are for! If you're lucky enough to have several teenagers (like me), you can leave one home with the babies while the others are shopping with you. Then rotate the next time with who babysits and who gets to go shopping. After all, the little ones aren't going back to school anyway, are they? You can get them new clothes in September after everyone else in school, or anytime you want for that matter! Generally this age group doesn't need to try things on, and they are always happy with anything new that you bring them, especially if it has their favorite theme or characters on it! My 2-year-old son will be thrilled with anything as long as it features cars, trucks, or Bob the Builder! Not so with the teenagers and tweens. So do yourself a favor, and pick up toddler things while the oldest are searching for the perfect shoes, or while you're grocery shopping next month.
Rule #4: Plan your shopping trips over the whole month & coordinate with other errands you have planned.
Sit down and look at your July calendar. Will you be in town by the shoe store for swimming lessons? Does someone have a birthday party in a nearby town by the outlet stores? Is there a soccer game in a neighboring city with a great mall? Figure out who needs clothes from where, and plan many different trips with different combinations of kids. You can hit other stores on the way to & from. You get the idea.
Rule #5: Make them pay for their clothes themselves.
Yep, you heard me right! We've been doing this for about 4 years now, and it's the best thing we ever did! They don't necessarily need to pay for the clothes with their own money (it takes a long time to buy a $29 pair of jeans when you only make $3/hr babysitting!). But give them a certain limit, say $100-$150 for clothes plus another $30-$50 for school supplies. Then let them choose whatever they want as long as they stay inside that budget, and it meets your family standards as far as modesty & tastefulness.
Ever since I started this, the kids are much more willing to look for bargains, and it eliminates the fight over labels & pricey choices. My kids have even found new bargain stores and told me about them! One great side-benefit is that you can shop with younger children while your older children go to another department and pickup the things they need themselves. Then meet back a pre-designated time. They know what they need & what they like. In some cases, I'll even give them my debit card and they can make the purchase themselves at a separate register. It's nice for book-keeping to know who got what, and it's a great way to help them learn to be independent.
Rule #6: Consider having some extra budget set aside for September & October.
One family I know said they only bought their teenagers 2-3 outfits before school started. They did this because, with experience, these parents found that after the first week of school, when the kids had seen what everyone else was wearing, they decided they didn't like some of their things. So they took them for their "real" back-to-school shopping AFTER school started! Now this causes problems with my "get it in July" rule, but if you find you have problems with kids & trends, this might be a good option. Also, there's always the extra supplies that you find out you need after the teacher's lists come home.
Rule #7: Attend all registrations, orientations & back-to-school nights.
I love when the schools host these informative nights. It's important to the children to know that you care about the place they spend much of their day! It's also valuable to get information from teachers about what their weekly schedule will be. This helps you set up your kids' own schedules & plan ahead for homework. It gives you power when you get the typical "I don't have any homework" response. "But dear, isn't today 'math day' for homework?" Make sure you read all those zillion handouts. Trust me, I know. But read them and take notes about what you can do to help the child succeed in this class. I have a folder for each child in my filing cabinet that is labeled "school". I keep all these beginning-of-term papers in there in case I need the teacher's email address, phone number or rule clarification. Some children will do most everything to succeed without much help, but others will need lots of guidance. This information will help you to help your children the best you can.
Well, that's about it! Just a few little tips to help you get started on your back-to-school experience! Good luck and happy back-into-a-good-routine fall!
The organizers brought pancake mix & griddles, juice, plates & cups. Everyone else brought toppings for pancakes. We set everything up on the back of a pickup-truck, and had a great early-morning party about 30 minutes before the bus was due. Of course I didn't mind at all -- what better way to let the kids celebrate the beginning of a new schoolyear?
Plus, what a great opportunity for the Mom's to "secretly" celebrate the end of the summer! :) Seriously, the one year we were all outside taking pictures & waving goodbye to clean, brightly dressed kids! After the bus pulled away, all the Mom's unanimously (& unplanned) broke out into cheers.
To be fair here, it's not like we were happy to "get rid of" the kids. It's just that. . .well, we were happy to get rid of the kids! Now don't get me wrong, I love my children and I have a great relationship with each of them. I truly enjoy spending time with them! But still, I do like to get back into the routine of the school year after surviving a fun and hectic summer.
So, what's the best way to get your kids ready for back-to-school? Here's a few rules I've come up with over the years:
Rule #1: Don't shop in August!
All the stores have the new clothes out in July, as well as backpacks & school supplies. But no one has figured out that it's there yet, they're all still busy swimming and going on vacation. Not me! I like to hit the stores before the end of July, then I get the back-to-school section virtually to myself!
Rule #2: Don't take all your children on the same day.
Unless you like headaches, fighting, breaking up arguments, and being on your feet for the entire day, take them in groups of twos or threes, divided according to gender & department (or who gets along best with who!). There's nothing more boring to a teenage son than waiting for endless hours while his sisters try on their outfits. Especially when we stop at every other display amidst cries of "CUTE!!", "Wow!", "Do you think I should try this on?" My son cries to no avail . . . "Nooooooooooooo!"
Rule #3: Don't take babies or preschoolers at all!
That's what babysitters are for! If you're lucky enough to have several teenagers (like me), you can leave one home with the babies while the others are shopping with you. Then rotate the next time with who babysits and who gets to go shopping. After all, the little ones aren't going back to school anyway, are they? You can get them new clothes in September after everyone else in school, or anytime you want for that matter! Generally this age group doesn't need to try things on, and they are always happy with anything new that you bring them, especially if it has their favorite theme or characters on it! My 2-year-old son will be thrilled with anything as long as it features cars, trucks, or Bob the Builder! Not so with the teenagers and tweens. So do yourself a favor, and pick up toddler things while the oldest are searching for the perfect shoes, or while you're grocery shopping next month.
Rule #4: Plan your shopping trips over the whole month & coordinate with other errands you have planned.
Sit down and look at your July calendar. Will you be in town by the shoe store for swimming lessons? Does someone have a birthday party in a nearby town by the outlet stores? Is there a soccer game in a neighboring city with a great mall? Figure out who needs clothes from where, and plan many different trips with different combinations of kids. You can hit other stores on the way to & from. You get the idea.
Rule #5: Make them pay for their clothes themselves.
Yep, you heard me right! We've been doing this for about 4 years now, and it's the best thing we ever did! They don't necessarily need to pay for the clothes with their own money (it takes a long time to buy a $29 pair of jeans when you only make $3/hr babysitting!). But give them a certain limit, say $100-$150 for clothes plus another $30-$50 for school supplies. Then let them choose whatever they want as long as they stay inside that budget, and it meets your family standards as far as modesty & tastefulness.
Ever since I started this, the kids are much more willing to look for bargains, and it eliminates the fight over labels & pricey choices. My kids have even found new bargain stores and told me about them! One great side-benefit is that you can shop with younger children while your older children go to another department and pickup the things they need themselves. Then meet back a pre-designated time. They know what they need & what they like. In some cases, I'll even give them my debit card and they can make the purchase themselves at a separate register. It's nice for book-keeping to know who got what, and it's a great way to help them learn to be independent.
Rule #6: Consider having some extra budget set aside for September & October.
One family I know said they only bought their teenagers 2-3 outfits before school started. They did this because, with experience, these parents found that after the first week of school, when the kids had seen what everyone else was wearing, they decided they didn't like some of their things. So they took them for their "real" back-to-school shopping AFTER school started! Now this causes problems with my "get it in July" rule, but if you find you have problems with kids & trends, this might be a good option. Also, there's always the extra supplies that you find out you need after the teacher's lists come home.
Rule #7: Attend all registrations, orientations & back-to-school nights.
I love when the schools host these informative nights. It's important to the children to know that you care about the place they spend much of their day! It's also valuable to get information from teachers about what their weekly schedule will be. This helps you set up your kids' own schedules & plan ahead for homework. It gives you power when you get the typical "I don't have any homework" response. "But dear, isn't today 'math day' for homework?" Make sure you read all those zillion handouts. Trust me, I know. But read them and take notes about what you can do to help the child succeed in this class. I have a folder for each child in my filing cabinet that is labeled "school". I keep all these beginning-of-term papers in there in case I need the teacher's email address, phone number or rule clarification. Some children will do most everything to succeed without much help, but others will need lots of guidance. This information will help you to help your children the best you can.
Well, that's about it! Just a few little tips to help you get started on your back-to-school experience! Good luck and happy back-into-a-good-routine fall!
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Book Eating Monsters & Little Entrepreneurs
Here I am, pulling up to my home after a physical therapy appointment, when something catches my eye. I turn to look and there's my 7-year-old son and 5-year-old daughter sitting in lawn chairs next to an elaborate "store" that they've set up on my front lawn. I inwardly chuckle, for you see, we live in the country on a quiet street with few children, so the chance of anyone stopping to buy anything is very remote. For months I've been trying to explain to him that a yard sale would be a waste of time. But kids are very determined....
As I peruse the store, I see see things such as army men, a bouncy ball, and other long-forsaken toys displayed creatively on ladders, chairs and tables. Taped to the various items are signs with prices. Very cute. That is, until my 13-year-old daughter realized that the 5-year-old was selling some of HER stuff! :) She promptly retrieved her things and helped her little sister make some lemonade & cookies to sell.
I must admit I'm not too surprised that they started this sale. I definitely know where it all started. . .
Last week we were doing the weekly "library book and movie search". If you have children who love to read, you can picture exactly what I'm talking about. It's not too bad if you start at least an hour before you need to leave for the library, but otherwise it can be a nightmare!
Why can't everyone keep track of their books?? It's like the children's bedrooms are book-eating monsters taking up residence in my home! It's really ridiculous because I have a very clear place where the library books are to be kept, but on library return day, it always takes a bit of a search to find all the books that have been left on nightstands, in the car, under the bed, or who-knows-where-else.
Sometimes we can't find the book at all, and I finally relent and go pay for it. I've figured out that as soon as I pay for it, we will find it! :) So that's my last resort option. Luckily, our library refunds what you paid for the book, minus any fines that you had incurred up until that day. So it works out, but it's quite embarrassing for a woman who is normally very responsible and careful with borrowed items (pre-mommyhood, that is!) So, I've started a new thing that if a child loses a book, THEY get to go face the librarian and pay for it. That's helped some with library-item responsibility.
So, to get back to my story, on this particular occasion, there were 2 books that had been lost for weeks and no one seemed to know anything about where they are, or even who checked them out! So I was personally digging through the drawers, bookshelves, under beds, etc. Now, to put this in perspective, we've had extended family here on & off all summer long, and I've had some health problems that have made it more difficult for me to get done what needs to be done since summer started. Specifically, I hadn't been down to the children's rooms regularly to make sure they were tidying up each evening. So, if you have children, you can imagine what the rooms looked like! If you don't have children, or yours are still small, just picture some of the scenes you witnessed on TV in the weeks after hurricane Katrina. (Seriously! Okay, so I'm exaggerating a bit, but not too much!)
I began to have what I've fondly come to think of as a melt-down. I suppose in reality I was mostly just frustrated with myself that I'd let them go to bed all those nights without tidying their rooms better. But in my defense, they SAID they had tidied their rooms! And they're sweet little angels who would never tell Mom a fib, right? Ha. In their defense, they may not have meant to be dishonest, but a child's version of "my room is clean" is much different that mine!
The biggest problem is that I hadn't been inspecting. That's something I've learned in my many years of parenting. You ALWAYS have to inspect your children's work! Firstly, because if they've worked hard, they deserve someone to have a look and praise them for what they've done so far. Secondly, they generally need a few pointers on what they can do to make it better. I really try hard to be positive and praise them for what they accomplished before offering constructive criticism.
Well, that's the ideal, blah, blah, blah . . . but on this particular day, all the wisdom of my years vanished as I stared an honest-to-goodness melt-down. (You have to give me some slack...it was day #1 in my womanly schedule, if you know what I mean!) It went something like this:
"I can't believe all this STUFF you all have!" I ranted as I dug things from under a bed and piled them in the middle of the room.
"By the time I get home today, I'd better see at least 12 bags from everyone's rooms lined up in the hallways for charity!" (emphatically as I dumped things from drawers and shelves looking for the elusive books.)
"I can't believe I've been taking you all to the pool and the movie, and letting you play with friends when your rooms looked like this!" (as I gathered dirty laundry from every corner of the room and piled it into their dirty laundry baskets)
I continued: "Absolutely NO MORE movies, TV, friends, swimming, games, computer . . . NOTHING FUN until all these rooms look like the front of a magazine cover!"
And so on...and on...and on...
Okay, so it was a bit of a LARGE melt-down!
So they got the message. I really rocked their worlds. By the end of the day, they'd made a ton of progress and the rooms were getting cleared out and looking much better. In some ways, the rooms looked a little messier, but that's because they couldn't shove anything under their beds! So Mom was pleased and things headed back to normal, with an admonition to continue de-junking over the next few weeks, and a promise of some help from Mom if they needed it.
It's amazing what a melt-down can do! I know, I know, it's not the best way to teach cleanliness, but it produces results sometimes when nothing else does!
A few days later I went downstairs to tuck the kids into bed. Two of the rooms looked like tornadoes had hit them. I couldn't believe my eyes! Will it ever end?
I spoke with one pair of my daughters who share a room that even the most organized, efficient person in the world would have a hard time keeping their room clean. There's simply too much stuff! So the clearing out has begun again in earnest. I promised them that if they would all get their rooms finished, I would do my own closet (a big project...I still need to get started!) And, we will go to an amusement park. So...it will be worth it!
So back to the cute kids and the yard sale. As predicted, they didn't have much success. They had one customer -- she bought the bouncy ball, bless her heart!
After about an hour, my oldest daughter felt sorry for the little one with the lemonade stand, so she went out and spent some money, and so did I. So they made a few cents.
Now they're cleaning up and I told them that I would "buy" anything they were willing to give to charity (at MY named price!). I figure they should be rewarded for working so hard to clean out their rooms and for being so business-savvy. (wink, wink)
Aren't children fun? Like I've said before, always full or surprises! I don't think I could ever come up with such good entertainment without them! What a great way to end the day...bargaining with my 7-year-old son about prices for his stuff. Of course, you know what he'll do with it? Go to the dollar store and buy more clutter!
It's a never-ending battle, but one I'm determined to win, one day at a time. I suppose someday I'll sit here in a clutter-free, immaculate home and feel awfully lonely. I'll take the clutter along with the kids! It's worth it!
As I peruse the store, I see see things such as army men, a bouncy ball, and other long-forsaken toys displayed creatively on ladders, chairs and tables. Taped to the various items are signs with prices. Very cute. That is, until my 13-year-old daughter realized that the 5-year-old was selling some of HER stuff! :) She promptly retrieved her things and helped her little sister make some lemonade & cookies to sell.
I must admit I'm not too surprised that they started this sale. I definitely know where it all started. . .
Last week we were doing the weekly "library book and movie search". If you have children who love to read, you can picture exactly what I'm talking about. It's not too bad if you start at least an hour before you need to leave for the library, but otherwise it can be a nightmare!
Why can't everyone keep track of their books?? It's like the children's bedrooms are book-eating monsters taking up residence in my home! It's really ridiculous because I have a very clear place where the library books are to be kept, but on library return day, it always takes a bit of a search to find all the books that have been left on nightstands, in the car, under the bed, or who-knows-where-else.
Sometimes we can't find the book at all, and I finally relent and go pay for it. I've figured out that as soon as I pay for it, we will find it! :) So that's my last resort option. Luckily, our library refunds what you paid for the book, minus any fines that you had incurred up until that day. So it works out, but it's quite embarrassing for a woman who is normally very responsible and careful with borrowed items (pre-mommyhood, that is!) So, I've started a new thing that if a child loses a book, THEY get to go face the librarian and pay for it. That's helped some with library-item responsibility.
So, to get back to my story, on this particular occasion, there were 2 books that had been lost for weeks and no one seemed to know anything about where they are, or even who checked them out! So I was personally digging through the drawers, bookshelves, under beds, etc. Now, to put this in perspective, we've had extended family here on & off all summer long, and I've had some health problems that have made it more difficult for me to get done what needs to be done since summer started. Specifically, I hadn't been down to the children's rooms regularly to make sure they were tidying up each evening. So, if you have children, you can imagine what the rooms looked like! If you don't have children, or yours are still small, just picture some of the scenes you witnessed on TV in the weeks after hurricane Katrina. (Seriously! Okay, so I'm exaggerating a bit, but not too much!)
I began to have what I've fondly come to think of as a melt-down. I suppose in reality I was mostly just frustrated with myself that I'd let them go to bed all those nights without tidying their rooms better. But in my defense, they SAID they had tidied their rooms! And they're sweet little angels who would never tell Mom a fib, right? Ha. In their defense, they may not have meant to be dishonest, but a child's version of "my room is clean" is much different that mine!
The biggest problem is that I hadn't been inspecting. That's something I've learned in my many years of parenting. You ALWAYS have to inspect your children's work! Firstly, because if they've worked hard, they deserve someone to have a look and praise them for what they've done so far. Secondly, they generally need a few pointers on what they can do to make it better. I really try hard to be positive and praise them for what they accomplished before offering constructive criticism.
Well, that's the ideal, blah, blah, blah . . . but on this particular day, all the wisdom of my years vanished as I stared an honest-to-goodness melt-down. (You have to give me some slack...it was day #1 in my womanly schedule, if you know what I mean!) It went something like this:
"I can't believe all this STUFF you all have!" I ranted as I dug things from under a bed and piled them in the middle of the room.
"By the time I get home today, I'd better see at least 12 bags from everyone's rooms lined up in the hallways for charity!" (emphatically as I dumped things from drawers and shelves looking for the elusive books.)
"I can't believe I've been taking you all to the pool and the movie, and letting you play with friends when your rooms looked like this!" (as I gathered dirty laundry from every corner of the room and piled it into their dirty laundry baskets)
I continued: "Absolutely NO MORE movies, TV, friends, swimming, games, computer . . . NOTHING FUN until all these rooms look like the front of a magazine cover!"
And so on...and on...and on...
Okay, so it was a bit of a LARGE melt-down!
So they got the message. I really rocked their worlds. By the end of the day, they'd made a ton of progress and the rooms were getting cleared out and looking much better. In some ways, the rooms looked a little messier, but that's because they couldn't shove anything under their beds! So Mom was pleased and things headed back to normal, with an admonition to continue de-junking over the next few weeks, and a promise of some help from Mom if they needed it.
It's amazing what a melt-down can do! I know, I know, it's not the best way to teach cleanliness, but it produces results sometimes when nothing else does!
A few days later I went downstairs to tuck the kids into bed. Two of the rooms looked like tornadoes had hit them. I couldn't believe my eyes! Will it ever end?
I spoke with one pair of my daughters who share a room that even the most organized, efficient person in the world would have a hard time keeping their room clean. There's simply too much stuff! So the clearing out has begun again in earnest. I promised them that if they would all get their rooms finished, I would do my own closet (a big project...I still need to get started!) And, we will go to an amusement park. So...it will be worth it!
So back to the cute kids and the yard sale. As predicted, they didn't have much success. They had one customer -- she bought the bouncy ball, bless her heart!
After about an hour, my oldest daughter felt sorry for the little one with the lemonade stand, so she went out and spent some money, and so did I. So they made a few cents.
Now they're cleaning up and I told them that I would "buy" anything they were willing to give to charity (at MY named price!). I figure they should be rewarded for working so hard to clean out their rooms and for being so business-savvy. (wink, wink)
Aren't children fun? Like I've said before, always full or surprises! I don't think I could ever come up with such good entertainment without them! What a great way to end the day...bargaining with my 7-year-old son about prices for his stuff. Of course, you know what he'll do with it? Go to the dollar store and buy more clutter!
It's a never-ending battle, but one I'm determined to win, one day at a time. I suppose someday I'll sit here in a clutter-free, immaculate home and feel awfully lonely. I'll take the clutter along with the kids! It's worth it!
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Sunrise, Sunset
Well, here I am, starting my very own blog. Technology marches onward.
The children are happily preparing every snack they can find in the kitchen, and smells of popcorn and toast are wafting towards my office. My husband is taking a nap after a long day of meetings. I hope someone changed my toddler's diaper.
Just a minute, time to check...
That's one thing with children, you have to check on them often. Especially if it's gotten really quiet. Quiet can be very dangerous. Either they've found something really "fun" to do (consequently making a big mess), or they are watching TV, or worse, they are planning a "surprise"!
Like making tents in the living room...
or digging a tunnel under the backyard...
or making me breakfast in bed... (although this one isn't too bad now that they're getting older & better at cooking!)
Children are full of surprises. Sometimes disastrous, sometimes funny, sometimes wonderful!
One thing I've learned to do over the years is to really enjoy them. They grow up so fast. You've got to take the time to really listen to them, and to enjoy the sweet little things they do and say. They won't be small for long.
I remember years ago when I was so overwhelmed by three children under the age of 5! Time after time, older friends would tell me: "Enjoy them now while they're young! They won't be small forever!" I listened half-heartedly, and tried to follow their advice. But I was so darn tired, and it sure felt like forever to me! Sometimes even the 15-minutes that my husband was late home from work seemed like an eternity!
But over the years, that wise advice has proven true, as most advice from the older generation is. I have watched in amazement as my older children have become teenagers. How fast the time flies! It gives new meaning to that song from Fiddler on the Roof:
Sunrise, Sunset
Is this the little girl I carried?
Is this the little boy at play?
I don't remember growing older,
When did they?
When did she get to be a beauty?
When did he grow to be so tall?
Wasn't it yesterday when they were small?
Sunrise sunset, sunrise, sunset,
Swiftly flow the days,
Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers,
Blossoming even as they gaze...
Sunrise sunset, sunrise, sunset!
Swiftly fly the years,
One season following another,
Laden with happiness and tears...
One season following another,
Laden with happiness and tears
Like rocking a baby in the middle of the night. That's one thing I miss, now that my youngest is two & a half. I know it sounds crazy, what am I thinking? I certainly love my full-night's sleep that I get now. But take a look at a new mother or father holding that sweet little newborn. There's nothing so precious. There's nothing like those first few weeks after a new baby is born. The miracle of life is so precious. Enjoy...
The children are happily preparing every snack they can find in the kitchen, and smells of popcorn and toast are wafting towards my office. My husband is taking a nap after a long day of meetings. I hope someone changed my toddler's diaper.
Just a minute, time to check...
That's one thing with children, you have to check on them often. Especially if it's gotten really quiet. Quiet can be very dangerous. Either they've found something really "fun" to do (consequently making a big mess), or they are watching TV, or worse, they are planning a "surprise"!
Like making tents in the living room...
or digging a tunnel under the backyard...
or making me breakfast in bed... (although this one isn't too bad now that they're getting older & better at cooking!)
Children are full of surprises. Sometimes disastrous, sometimes funny, sometimes wonderful!
One thing I've learned to do over the years is to really enjoy them. They grow up so fast. You've got to take the time to really listen to them, and to enjoy the sweet little things they do and say. They won't be small for long.
I remember years ago when I was so overwhelmed by three children under the age of 5! Time after time, older friends would tell me: "Enjoy them now while they're young! They won't be small forever!" I listened half-heartedly, and tried to follow their advice. But I was so darn tired, and it sure felt like forever to me! Sometimes even the 15-minutes that my husband was late home from work seemed like an eternity!
But over the years, that wise advice has proven true, as most advice from the older generation is. I have watched in amazement as my older children have become teenagers. How fast the time flies! It gives new meaning to that song from Fiddler on the Roof:
Sunrise, Sunset
Is this the little girl I carried?
Is this the little boy at play?
I don't remember growing older,
When did they?
When did she get to be a beauty?
When did he grow to be so tall?
Wasn't it yesterday when they were small?
Sunrise sunset, sunrise, sunset,
Swiftly flow the days,
Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers,
Blossoming even as they gaze...
Sunrise sunset, sunrise, sunset!
Swiftly fly the years,
One season following another,
Laden with happiness and tears...
One season following another,
Laden with happiness and tears
Like rocking a baby in the middle of the night. That's one thing I miss, now that my youngest is two & a half. I know it sounds crazy, what am I thinking? I certainly love my full-night's sleep that I get now. But take a look at a new mother or father holding that sweet little newborn. There's nothing so precious. There's nothing like those first few weeks after a new baby is born. The miracle of life is so precious. Enjoy...
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